My mother the teacher

Travis and I have been married for 7 years now and together for 14. This is wonderful and crazy to me. I am now 28, going to be 29 in December, and have been with the same man for half my life. We have grown up together (Mostly me who has done the growing up) and have learned to love each other in every stage of life so far. There have been some interesting moments and one in particular stands out at the moment.

I remember telling my mom that there was a boy I liked and her being apprehensive. He was after all 2 1/2 years older than me. In high school when you are 14 and the one you have the hotts for is 2 1/2 years older than you, that can be cause for concern for the parents involved on both sides. My mom wanted to get a look at this Travis person so she came to the show we were both in. I told her ahead of time that Trav was playing an American Indian chief named Sitting Bull. I think she was worried and in shock after seeing him on stage. I believe her words were "Oh my God she dating a man!" He was all puffed up, looking large, and talking in a lower voice. Needless to say she was worried.

A couple of weeks went by and Travis and my friend Heather invited me to their church sleepover. My God! A co-ed sleepover in a church?! My mother quickly sprang into action. A quick note: My mother was never shy about making sure I was well informed about sex. Many books, videos, and uncomfortable talks made sure I knew how to take care of myself and prevent ANYTHING. By now I am sure you can probably tell where this is going.

It was the evening of the sleepover and we were going to pick up my friend Heather on the way there. My mom had called me downstairs so I figured it was time to head out. I grabbed all my stuff and headed for the front door. She looked like she had just a hint of an uncomfortable smile on her face but I glossed over it as I was super excited to be spending the evening with friends. "Would you mind sitting in that chair for a minute?" She asked. "Ok?" I replied back. Growing concern was was now written all over my face. I sat down unsure of what was about to come but expected to be in trouble as I often was back then. She sat down across the small living room from me in the very chair she rocked me to sleep in as a baby. She looked at me and then reached down back behind the chair and pulled out a banana. She could tell I was confused by the extremely puzzled look on my face about what was going on. She then reached back again and grabbed a small white square. It took me a minute to grasp the full situation that was unfolding in front of me.

I don't quite remember what she started to say as I think I blacked out for a bit. I remember loosing all the color from my face and wanting to die. This was the dialog going on in my head: "Is this really happening?! Is she actually going to open the.....Oh.....Oh she totally just opened it ....OK we can stop here....Ok mom...no...no..NOOOOOOOO!!!"

Oh yes! My mother demonstrated how to properly put on a condom using a banana. This is so I can arm myself with knowledge before a church overnighter with several people and the pastor.

Once I regained consciousness she made me repeat what she had said and then thought it would be best if I did it as well. You know just to be sure there were no misunderstandings. My God!! Was she trying to kill me?! After I talked her down from doing that by explaining the sleepover was AT A CHURCH, WITH SEVERAL PEOPLE, and a PASTOR she agreed to save that nugget of joy for another time. To add to this momentously uncomfortable moment she then uttered these words "I really think Heather should know this too. I would also feel better if Travis was involved in this as well."

When I came to, I remember that my brain and my mouth were desperately trying to get her to understand that in no way was this going to happen before a church function let alone at all! No one needed a quick study nor did I need to be humiliated in front of my best friend and the boy I had the hotts for. Thankfully she agreed to moratorium about her demonstration and quenching our thirst for knowledge we didn't want on the way to the church.

It was several years before I shared one of the most embarrassing moments with my mother I have ever had to date with Travis or anyone. This story will live on in infamy in our family as it has become quite funny to talk about especially with my mother. It puts us all in hysterics every time and I can't wait to have our kids telling us stories about the things we did to them and laughing about it later in life. I love my mother. =)