Oh yes I am really doing this. This is a true story.

On minute 7 of my ridiculous "Test." We have had another invasion of gnats after having 3 boxes of tomatoes (About 50 lbs) in the house to make marinara sauce for winter. They are everywhere but we are starting to win as we are starting to see less and less of them. After heating up some juice for Sam one flew into the microwave and not really thinking I quickly shut the door. I stood there for a bit watching it fly around and trying to think of a good way to open the door and kill it. Not wanting to risk letting it get away I had an evil thought "Just cook it." Why not? Other than being cruel it seemed like a good plan.

My finger slowly reached up and pressed the "1 minute" button and the low whir of death began. I walked away not wanting to witness the horror as it drew it's last breath and died on the glass spinning plate (Maybe he would think he was in the 60's on a rotating circular bed as he went on to meet his maker?). Waiting for the beeping to signal that the deed was done and was time to remove the remains seemed like an eternity.

Finally with relief in the air it sounded like a trumpet. I was about to open the door and noticed a small black flicker out of the corner of my eye inside. What?!! To my surprise the little gnat was flying around happily. How could this be? In this very machine I have at one time made an arc of electricity happen trying to cook carrots and the gnat lives?! Oh it is on! All my feelings about performing an act of cruelty went out the window. "Does 2 minutes sound good to you....Harvey?" (I named him Harvey) Alright tough guy! 2 minutes doesn't seem to bother you?! Try 5!

After 5 minutes in the nuclear oven I peaked in to see if he had finally expired. After seeing no movement or body I opened the door slowly. I looked around and lifted the plate and found nothing. Nothing?! After staring at the back of the microwave trying to pick up on any movement it happened!! He flew right into my eye!