Dear Karen,
Today I was searching in my closet trying to find something to wear to church and found a dress tucked way in the back. It was the dress I bought for Greg and Marcie's wedding. I bought it and then had you alter it since I didn't like quite how it fit. I cried this morning just thinking about your hands touching my shoulders and pinning the straps where we wanted them to go. Hearing you laugh as we talked about Claire while you were sewing and making the finishing touches. The loss at times is unbearable. Claire found me crying in the closet and she asked me if I was hurt. I told her that my heart hurt because I was missing you and that sometimes I am sad and need to cry. She looked up at me, took my hand, and told me that it was ok and that she loved me. She is truly the most wonderful girl in this world. I could not have asked God for a better daughter.
My heart is heavy and I am still struggling to maintain regular daily tasks often. I need to get better for my family and have decided that I am going to start going to the pool 3 days a week again. I remember feeling better not only in the body but in the mind as well when I went last year. I am loosing weight again and am starting to gain back some confidence that I had when I lost so much the last time. I really love using the pool as it doesn't feel like you are really doing a lot but the results are amazing.
Magda is in town now for the first time since Ben was 3 months old. The love I have for her courses through my veins. She is one of my favorite people that exists and I wish we lived closer to her. Watching her interact with the kids reminds me of you. She has unconditional love for them and they can do no wrong in her eyes. She is the strongest woman I have ever met and I have so much love and respect for her. If I end up being half the woman she is I will have turned out to be a pretty good person by the end of my life. She thought a lot of you as well. The few times you two spent time together you made a lasting impression on her. You made a lasting impression on most the people you met. It seems like she just got here and now she will be leaving in 2 weeks. It feels unfair that she has to go home so soon as I just don't feel like I got to soak up enough of her. 2 weeks left just isn't enough time.
Travis continues to be wonderful and had a good sermon today. You would be so proud of him as he continues to do his best and care for his family despite all that has happened. You and Steve did a wonderful job making him the man he is today. I am truly in love with him and feel lucky to have him in my life every day. I love him so mush my heart hurts just thinking about him.
It's getting quite late and the kids are sure to wake up early since I stayed up late so I must go. I miss you and hope you are having a wonderful time.
Love,
KT
1 comment:
Oh Katie... reading your letter makes MY heart hurt too. I miss them both so very much. It's hard for me to believe that they are both really gone. The tasks of daily life really do mask the facts so much, that often something (a song, a photo, a memory) will bring me back to the reality that exists. While, obviously, my heart hurts most for Greg, I feel this additional emptiness where Karen's impression was left. I know she was thankful for her entire family, but was really tickled (her words) by her daughters-in-law. And I know that she loved each one of us very much, as she did her grandchildren and her sons too. And that wonderful husband of hers....
It's too much, too fast. Some days I feel as if I have been punched in the gut and also in the kidneys.... like I can't breathe and everything hurts. Supposedly time helps, but it's hard to wrap my head around that right now.
Just know that your sis-in-law loves you very much. You and your family hold a very special place in my heart. :)
Giant hugs to you,
Shana
Post a Comment