Father knows best

My husband became a father almost 4 years ago. I believe that was the scariest time in his adult life. He was worried, nervous, and thrilled at all times. I don't think he slept until Claire was at least 6 months old. She was precious and she was his new life. He began to see things in a different light. He changed. He softened. Watching him be a father to Claire was a joy.

When Ben entered the world, things this time around were much less scary. Another baby was great and a boy was wonderful. Now he had one of each. He took it in stride and enjoyed his new life with Ben and Claire. He changed. He softened more. Watching him be a father to Ben & Claire was amazing.

Sam came into the world at home and there was no fear. This was the third time and he felt relaxed. Another soul to nurture and another person that fit perfectly into the fold. His new life with 3 children delighted him even more. He changed. He softened even more. Watching him be a father to Sam, Ben, & Claire is my life.

She flies through the air with the greatest of ease!

For Easter we decided to get the kids a butterfly pavilion and "Raise" caterpillars into butterflies. We sent away for for our caterpillars and soon enough they came in the mail. They were very tiny and fuzzy and the kids were so excited. We did have to explain that we can't hold them as caterpillars don't like that.

They ate and ate for 2 weeks and before we knew it they were huge and fat. The kids watched them every day waiting for them to build their cocoons and begin to transform. One morning all 5 caterpillars were snug in their cocoons and now we waited for them to emerge as butterflies. The day before Trav, Sam, and I left for Denver one butterfly hatched. I have never seen the kids so excited! They demanded that we let it go right then and there and so we did. I was amazed that they didn't want to keep it. I was prepared for tears and trying to explain that it needs to be free. We have truly wonderful children who never even gave thought to keeping it.

The rest hatched while we were in Denver and when we got home we released the rest. Both kids got to hold them before they flew away. I am excited to get more as it was fun for us to experience as a family. I recommend that anyone with kids do this. It was fun, exciting, and educational. Next time I will have to be faster with my camera though. Butterflies are fast.

No seriously there was air.

This past weekend Trav, Sam, and I traveled to Denver with our friends Skye & Craig and Taylor & Katie. Skye's parents were kind enough to let us travel in their plane which is a 6 seater prop jet. It is a small plane but quite a nice one.

For those of you who know me, know that I am not a fan of flying. I also dislike roller coasters. For all intensive purposes I am a wet blanket. I am the one who watches on the sidelines getting nauseous watching you ride while plummeting to your death screaming "Faster faster! Put your hands in the air!". Knowing this about myself I come prepared with anti-nausea medication. Anytime I travel in any kind of situation whether it be as mundane as traveling by car or as crazy as a donkey I am armed with it in my purse. Back to the plane.

My dad takes us to the Portland airport where we meet Skye, her husband Craig, and her parents out on the tarmac. We do our "Hellos" and "Goodbyes" and load up to take off. I am nervous about the flight because we have Sam and I hope he is going to be able to pop his ears and not scream the entire way to Roseburg and then onto Denver. I get him nursing and we take off and things are going smoothly and there is a little turbulence but it's fine. I am only slightly nervous that the plane will go down. We get to Roseburg and our other two traveling companions Taylor & Katie join us. Things are going great and I am amazed that I haven't had to take any drugs. This is the time when Craig says something in passing about the crazy turbulence we will experience while going over the Rockies. What? I try to laugh it off and think that he is over exaggerating on how bad it will be since I am a nervous flier.

I have forgotten to mention that I do not have the stomach to witness anyone vomiting. I can clean up after it has happened but watching it happen makes me join in the fun. Just the thought of someone potentially going o vomit sends my stomach on a loop in sympathy pains. We take off and Taylor, who has an iron stomach, mentions to the group about 10 minutes after we are in the air that he is not feeling so well. I start to panic because I put the drugs into the diaper bag which is now stowed far behind me and is not easy to get to. Katie carries some with her because one of their daughters has a similar problem. She offers drugs to Taylor and I and we take them. I also find out that Craig is also not good with bodily functions of that nature. Fantastic. Here we are on a small plane with at least two people who will follow suit if Taylor tosses his cookies. What a fun flight this quickly turns into.

Now I am a nervous wreck that Taylor is going to be ill. I can't politely excuse myself and leave the room to get away from him and fear I will soon be super sick as well as start a horrible chain reaction. The pill kicks in and I am quickly in dreamland all the time am aware that we keep having turbulence. I finally come two and am awake enough to be a part of the group chatter and notice Taylor is quite green and sitting next to me. Ohhhhh. I ask if we have cleared the Rockies and have been informed that we are, not by the pilot but by my husband. I believe him. This was a mistake.

Soon after that conversation the pilot turns around to inform us that we will be starting our decent and to make sure we are buckled up. This is a normal procedure so I don't think much of it. We are, remember, past the worst of the turbulence. I start to nurse Sam again to help with his ears and as I get him latched we start having some bumps . Ok, this is not so bad and I can handle this. Good! I am starting to conquer my fear! I am awesome!

The first real drop out of the air hit and I came slightly unglued. Sam flew off the breast, I am on the brink of screaming, and to make matters worse Taylor has reached for a barf bag. I look around the cabin and at this point everyone is attaching their chest harnesses. Great! I would like to put mine on. Oh...one can not do this while nursing a baby and experiencing extreme turbulence and petrifying fear. I wish at that point someone would have broken the safety glass and hit me over the head with a mallet.

I have never been so freaked out in all my life! I am gripping Sam in hopes that he doesn't go flying to the cockpit and scare the pilot. My arm has also become one with the window casing since it is the only thing I can hold onto to try to steady myself. Everyone with the exception of Taylor and myself is laughing and enjoying the "Fun". Over the next few minutes I think there was nothing but air between my cheeks and the seat. Travis, out of the blue, starts singing at the top of his lungs to try to distract Taylor and myself. This works. We are all singing anything Travis can think up to sing. The theme song to Fresh Prince of Bell Air, Little Boxes, something by the Beatles, and then in a stroke of genius Travis starts to sing Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.

I can only hope that the pilot couldn't hear because non of us can sing well. After singing all the verses poorly and begging to be let off the ride we touched down on the runway. Thank the lord! We made it in one piece and I was never so happy to see asphalt in all my life. I think it is safe to say that I will not be getting on a plane again anytime soon. I don't care if it takes 5 days to drive that will be the rout I take.

A horse of a different color!

Over the weekend we had some family fun time. Fun has been a bit scarse lately so it was a breath of fresh air. Ben and I had been to a craft store and found some tiny bird houses that I thought we all could paint. Ben picked out a house for all 4 of us to paint and his decision making was hilarious. It took him 10 minutes to pick through all the wooden houses to find the right house for each of us. I think there were 10 different styles to choose from and he was talking it out to me and rationalizing each shape for each family member. "Claire likes 2 birds. This looks like mommy's house. Daddy likes squares. I think a bird will very like my house."

We got out the paint and while Sam slept we painted. We had a ball together! The music was playing, we were all laughing, and the creativity flowed. At one point I needed to let my house dry before I could paint some more and I caught sight of Ben. He looked at me, I looked at him and before anyone knew what had happened Ben had a mustache. Not long after that he had eyebrows, a goatee, and a heart tattoo to match.

Claire wanted to be painted as well so she requested that she look like a cat. Nose and whiskers coming up! Then she wanted wings and flowers and of course Ben wanted to be like his sister so he got wings and vines. The morning ended with a bath and many pictures. The sun even came out for a few fleeting moments. Just enough time to have some flying time with their new wings on the porch.

Dear Karen

Dear Karen,

I know that I am writing this for me but in doing so it feels like you are just at the beach plugging away at your sewing machine instead of where you really are. I had a dream about you last night. It ripped me awake only to find that the emptiness still exists within me where you once resided. I have thought about you every day since you left and everything in my life reminds me of you.

The day Sam was born was wonderful and terrible all at the same time because you were unable to be a part of it. I was so thrilled that you were so excited the day we invited you to be a part of his birth. I pictured you whispering excitedly to my mom the whole time and crying with us after he was born. I longed for you to hold him minutes after he was born and comment wildly about how big he was. I wanted to listen to you make phone calls to family and friends. He will never know you like I always pictured he would and our stories of you and how you were will not do you justice.

Claire and Ben stayed with Steve overnight the day Sam was born. Steve was wonderful and the kids had a great time with him. He has been such a blessing to us and has been trying to fill in where you left off. You would have been so proud of the Christmas presents he got the family and all the cute girly dress up stuff he got for Claire. Claire and Ben love him so much that when I see them with him my heart aches and I can't wait for Sam to go running to him yelling "Bapa!" Steve has taken the older kids a few times so I can have a little break. I think it is as good for him as it is for me. He is an amazing man. He spends most of his time with Greg and Shana helping them, with Matt and Jen's kids, and on top of everything else still has time to help us from time to time.

Claire is going to be 4 in a few months. It feels like yesterday we were all awaiting her arrival in Corvallis. She is very smart, sweet when she wants to be, and down right ornery when she feels like it. She is overall a wonderful kid and it hurts that you are not here to watch her grow up. She misses you so very much. She, out of the blue, was crying about the fact that you weren't here anymore and that you were up in Heaven. She asks if you will ever come back and I told her that she can keep you in her heart and see you in her dreams. You would have been so proud of her the other day as she actually hugged Greg and played with him a little. She put stickers all over his feet, colored a bunch of pictures for him, and gave him fist bumps. It has been wonderful visiting Greg and Shana lately.

Ben would make you laugh nonstop! That kid is so funny and smart that it is hard to be upset with him when he is in trouble. He is talking up a storm and has a smile so bright it could lead you through darkness. He loves to point you out in the family photo we all had taken a few months before Trav and I got married. That is such a wonderful photo and when I was looking through some photos for your service I came across my favorite one of you and Ben. It was taken at Frank and Naomi's house during Claire's 3rd birthday. I have video of you driving the kids around the driveway and letting them both steer with you laughing in the background. We are trying to potty train Ben now and I am craving your advice on how to do this. You went through this with 3 boys and it is so foreign to me. Potty training girls is easy. Doing this with Ben scares me a bit.

Trav and I are doing well. There was a bit of a job scare a few months ago. The church was unable to keep him on full time unless we got the entire congregation to give a smidge more every month. The congregation loves him so much they were more than happy to dig a little deeper to make sure we can stay. It was scary thinking that we might have to leave and find another church. We love this one so much we can't imagine bonding with a new one. They love our family and have created such a warm, loving, and caring environment. You and Steve have raised a wonderful man and everyone who comes in contact with him knows it. He makes me a better person as has knowing you.

You watched me grow up, marry your son, and start a family with him. I am so glad that I was able to tell you how much you have meant to me over the years as a friend, mother, and grandmother. I love that we were able to share anything with each other and I miss you more than I can express. I think I am going to write to you often because it feels good to have this outlet. I feel like I can still have contact with you and it makes the pain a little easier to handle. I love and miss you as does everyone you came in contact with throughout your life.

KT

Forget the pillow pet!

Travis and I are tired of the older children not listening so we have decided that as long as they are not listening they will have to wait that much longer to get what they want. They may want to play, watch a movie, eat dinner whatever that may end up being they are going to have to wait until they have listened and completed the task at hand.

The big struggle of the day was cleaning their room. I had let them know that they were not to get every toy and book out and make a huge mess. When they do this they get so crazy and naughty that they fight and then never want to clean up the mess. They were also informed that if they did get all the toys out and not listen to their mother's words they would pay the piper.

I went in about 15 minutes after they were told of the rules and it looked like a bomb went off. I wanted to rip my hair out. It was so bad that I couldn't get one step inside the door without stepping on several toys. I reminded them that they were told not to do this and that they were going to have to stay in their room until it was totally cleaned up. I let them know that if they took a long time they were going to have to wait that much longer to eat their lunches. This did not go over well.

There was crying, yelling, and Claire was trying to explain why she couldn't be late to lunch. I calmly explained that they knew the rules and that they knew what would happen if they decided not to listen to them. I left them to clean and went in every 15 - 20 minutes to check on them and remind them what they needed to do. It took them 2hours to completely clean up.

This all started at 10:30am. Normally they have eaten lunch by 12:30pm and Ben has gone to take his nap. Since I was trying to drive home the point that they were going to start listening or pay the consequences I let the daily routine slip a little and they didn't even start eating until 12:40pm. While they were eating I had I love Lucy on in the background and Sam had started screaming. I was trying to clean up the kitchen and looked up to see Ben asleep at the table using his pizza as a pillow. I do not know how he managed to sleep through it all.