Dear Karen

Dear Karen,

I know that I am writing this for me but in doing so it feels like you are just at the beach plugging away at your sewing machine instead of where you really are. I had a dream about you last night. It ripped me awake only to find that the emptiness still exists within me where you once resided. I have thought about you every day since you left and everything in my life reminds me of you.

The day Sam was born was wonderful and terrible all at the same time because you were unable to be a part of it. I was so thrilled that you were so excited the day we invited you to be a part of his birth. I pictured you whispering excitedly to my mom the whole time and crying with us after he was born. I longed for you to hold him minutes after he was born and comment wildly about how big he was. I wanted to listen to you make phone calls to family and friends. He will never know you like I always pictured he would and our stories of you and how you were will not do you justice.

Claire and Ben stayed with Steve overnight the day Sam was born. Steve was wonderful and the kids had a great time with him. He has been such a blessing to us and has been trying to fill in where you left off. You would have been so proud of the Christmas presents he got the family and all the cute girly dress up stuff he got for Claire. Claire and Ben love him so much that when I see them with him my heart aches and I can't wait for Sam to go running to him yelling "Bapa!" Steve has taken the older kids a few times so I can have a little break. I think it is as good for him as it is for me. He is an amazing man. He spends most of his time with Greg and Shana helping them, with Matt and Jen's kids, and on top of everything else still has time to help us from time to time.

Claire is going to be 4 in a few months. It feels like yesterday we were all awaiting her arrival in Corvallis. She is very smart, sweet when she wants to be, and down right ornery when she feels like it. She is overall a wonderful kid and it hurts that you are not here to watch her grow up. She misses you so very much. She, out of the blue, was crying about the fact that you weren't here anymore and that you were up in Heaven. She asks if you will ever come back and I told her that she can keep you in her heart and see you in her dreams. You would have been so proud of her the other day as she actually hugged Greg and played with him a little. She put stickers all over his feet, colored a bunch of pictures for him, and gave him fist bumps. It has been wonderful visiting Greg and Shana lately.

Ben would make you laugh nonstop! That kid is so funny and smart that it is hard to be upset with him when he is in trouble. He is talking up a storm and has a smile so bright it could lead you through darkness. He loves to point you out in the family photo we all had taken a few months before Trav and I got married. That is such a wonderful photo and when I was looking through some photos for your service I came across my favorite one of you and Ben. It was taken at Frank and Naomi's house during Claire's 3rd birthday. I have video of you driving the kids around the driveway and letting them both steer with you laughing in the background. We are trying to potty train Ben now and I am craving your advice on how to do this. You went through this with 3 boys and it is so foreign to me. Potty training girls is easy. Doing this with Ben scares me a bit.

Trav and I are doing well. There was a bit of a job scare a few months ago. The church was unable to keep him on full time unless we got the entire congregation to give a smidge more every month. The congregation loves him so much they were more than happy to dig a little deeper to make sure we can stay. It was scary thinking that we might have to leave and find another church. We love this one so much we can't imagine bonding with a new one. They love our family and have created such a warm, loving, and caring environment. You and Steve have raised a wonderful man and everyone who comes in contact with him knows it. He makes me a better person as has knowing you.

You watched me grow up, marry your son, and start a family with him. I am so glad that I was able to tell you how much you have meant to me over the years as a friend, mother, and grandmother. I love that we were able to share anything with each other and I miss you more than I can express. I think I am going to write to you often because it feels good to have this outlet. I feel like I can still have contact with you and it makes the pain a little easier to handle. I love and miss you as does everyone you came in contact with throughout your life.

KT

Forget the pillow pet!

Travis and I are tired of the older children not listening so we have decided that as long as they are not listening they will have to wait that much longer to get what they want. They may want to play, watch a movie, eat dinner whatever that may end up being they are going to have to wait until they have listened and completed the task at hand.

The big struggle of the day was cleaning their room. I had let them know that they were not to get every toy and book out and make a huge mess. When they do this they get so crazy and naughty that they fight and then never want to clean up the mess. They were also informed that if they did get all the toys out and not listen to their mother's words they would pay the piper.

I went in about 15 minutes after they were told of the rules and it looked like a bomb went off. I wanted to rip my hair out. It was so bad that I couldn't get one step inside the door without stepping on several toys. I reminded them that they were told not to do this and that they were going to have to stay in their room until it was totally cleaned up. I let them know that if they took a long time they were going to have to wait that much longer to eat their lunches. This did not go over well.

There was crying, yelling, and Claire was trying to explain why she couldn't be late to lunch. I calmly explained that they knew the rules and that they knew what would happen if they decided not to listen to them. I left them to clean and went in every 15 - 20 minutes to check on them and remind them what they needed to do. It took them 2hours to completely clean up.

This all started at 10:30am. Normally they have eaten lunch by 12:30pm and Ben has gone to take his nap. Since I was trying to drive home the point that they were going to start listening or pay the consequences I let the daily routine slip a little and they didn't even start eating until 12:40pm. While they were eating I had I love Lucy on in the background and Sam had started screaming. I was trying to clean up the kitchen and looked up to see Ben asleep at the table using his pizza as a pillow. I do not know how he managed to sleep through it all.

Diapers!

Now this post is mostly for my mother who bought us this drying rack. It is wonderful since we have decided to invest in cloth diapers and need a place to dry them when it is winter. Buying cloth diapers was a decision that was long overdue. I have been totally freaked out by cloth diapers thinking that they were awful and so much work. Yes they have to be laundered but that is just not that bad. The savings are huge and there are no chemicals close to the skin.

I found a great website, ordered them and was so excited when they arrived! I ripped them out of their packaging, washed them, and placed them on our new fabulous drying rack! Since getting them we have been just using them on Ben since Sam's legs are not quite fat enough yet to prevent leakage. Soon we will have both boys in them and hopefully Ben will be a little more interested in potty training which will eliminate some of the work. These are great diapers and are just like disposables only washable. I was given the confidence to do this when my friend Cheryl showed me her stash of diapers and her routine. Thanks Cheryl! And thanks to my mom who also made this a little easier with the fabulous drying rack which can dry up to 30 diapers at once!

As much as I love the drying rack I can't wait to hang a line and dry them out side on clothes pins! Pictures soon to follow once the weather permits.

Caution! Birth pictures and blog.

After the due date coming and going (Not surprising for me) only 5 days past due he has arrived! I had an intense need to clean on the 18th and so I did. After cleaning the house from top to bottom and caring for the kids in between tasks I was experiencing lots of contractions. After going all day and night with them they never got regular so I went to bed around 10pm. I had a hard time going to sleep wondering if things were going to happen since even after laying down they were still coming anywhere from 7-10 minutes apart. I lost to the exhaustion around 1:30am. I woke at 5am and was amazed that I made it through the night with no baby being born. I tried to keep sleeping knowing that Claire was going to be up in an hour only to find that I was having extreme lower back pain with contractions and I knew it was on!

I got up and wondered around to make sure things were really happening and called one of my 3 midwives at 5:30am to let her know what was going on and that the contractions were 5 minutes apart. She asked me to call her back in half an hour and let her know if thing were still happening. I quickly realized shortly after the conversation with Kori that they were 1-3 minutes apart and not 5 like I thought. I could only wait 15 minutes since I realized that the contractions were 1-3 minutes apart. I got Trav up and had him start preparing the downstairs for the arrival of our 3rd baby. My mom was getting ready for work and I informed her that I didn't think she was going to make it in since this baby was on their way! Trav called his dad Steve to come and get the kids by 7:30am so they wouldn't be here during the birth. Trav and I thought it would be scary for them to see their mother in pain and that I might have a hard time relaxing with them around. Within a a half an hour the pool was up, the lasagna was defrosting, all the gear was set up, towels were put out, and water was boiling on the stove.

The midwives arrived about 7am and it was like a party with all of us talking and the kids milling around and breakfast being made while I labored. Steve got to the house at 7:30am on the dot and hung around for a few minutes and got to meet the midwives and survey the scene. He also decided to keep the kids overnight which was such a blessing for us. Steve is so generous to take the kids overnight and we really appreciated being able to get through the day with just the new one. After the kids left things picked up a bit and I just stood in the kitchen and labored amongst the birth team (Trav, my mom, Midwife Kori, Jr. Midwife Mirra, and Midwife's Apprentice Stephanie) while they went about their morning. About 8:30am I decided it would be nice to get into the birthing tub and in I went! Boy was that nice! It felt great to be in the warm water and it really made the labor feel so much better. I was in a great mood and able to chat in between contractions and then comfortable enough to sleep in between the contractions in the warm water.

It started getting super intense about 10am and I was starting to feel pressure. At that point the birth team rallied around me in the tub and at 10:34am Samuel Xavier Larsen entered the world! He floated into my arms with the help of the midwives and I remember thinking he is so squishy! He felt so plump in my hands and his little bottom didn't feel so...little. He was chubby and calm and looked a lot like Ben. He was covered in vernix which was a new experience for us since both Claire and Ben came out quite clean.

It felt great to have him here and not be in labor as he was slow upon arrival. From the moment my water broke to the time he was completly out was 13 minutes but to me felt like an hour! When I say that he was slow It took 4 contractions to get his head out and I remember thinking "What is the hold up?! How can his head not be out yet and why does my body keep taking breaks since his head isn't out?!" It was hard but well worth the 13 minutes of pain. Everyone was amazed by how plump he was and when we were both out of the tub and after Trav held him on his bare chest for a while the midwives weighed him. I got a little worried when Mirra said "That can't be right? No it is right 11lbs 1oz!" Holy cow he was a big baby! I thought maybe 10.5lbs never 11! His length was also surprising as it was 21 3/4" and his head at 15". After pushing him out the size of his head didn't surprise me. As a reminder of our previous birth stats Claire was 8lbs 1oz, 20 1/2" long, and a 13.5" head, and Ben was 9lbs 7oz, 20 1/2" long, and a 14.5" head. Sam by far is much bigger in all ways!

Overall it was a wonderful experience and it was so nice to be at home. It felt natural and comfortable and not scary like I thought it might be once I was in it. It was wonderful to have my mother there as this was the first time we had any family present for one of our births. She was very happy to be a part of the experience and Trav and I were glad she was able. We had invited my step-mom Cher but my dad had come down with a nasty cold and we all thought it was best if she could, unfortunately, stay away. We did however miss Karen, Trav's mom, terribly as she was also going to attend the birth had she not passed away in November last year. It was bitter sweet knowing why she was unable to be a part of this miraculous experience and yet also wonderful because we knew she was watching over us.

I have to plug Alma Midwifery in all of this as they gave me the confidence to birth at home and their care was far superior to any other OB-GYN or clinical midwife I have had previously. Their loving bedside manner and positive energy was wonderful during our appointments and at the birth. I would highly recommend anyone looking for a birth canter or a home birth experience to seriously consider them as you will not be disappointed.

“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.” Dr. Seuss

Today was the day! We got the room put together and moved the kids into their new Seuss room! Thanks to the Johnson family in Newport and their generosity we now have a lofted bed for Claire! They were kind enough to give us their son's old bed that he outgrew and now Claire is super thrilled to have a big kid bed. We told her about this new bed weeks ago and she has been asking us when it is going to be here and how high the ladder is. Also thanks to Bopa Steve it was delivered to us yesterday and we put it together this afternoon while she was in awe of it being constructed.

She is so excited about the ladder she has to climb to get into her bed. Ben also is super excited to get to climb into Claire's bed by using a ladder. So excited he can't be left alone. We originally planned to loft the bed higher to get Ben's crib under it so there since we don't have a play room and to maximize floor space. After trying to figure out how to do this we decided it just wasn't a great idea. We decided that there is no way we would be able to police Ben's climbing and the higher we made the bed the bigger the concussion. =) We ended up making the space under the bed a cave like play space and have Claire's old crib in the room for Ben. This seems to be working as they are both asleep and were excited to go to bed! They love all the characters and fun colors and can't wait to have tap lights installed under the loft bed for some magical lighting. We may also sew a curtain for added fun and cave like atmosphere. All in all I am happy with the room and wish I had it growing up.

She begged me to do it!

I have given Ben several hair cuts now that Claire has watched me do and every time she asks me if I will cut her hair as well. Today she begged me to do it because "You always cut daddy's hair and Ben's hair and never me!" Her hair was quite long and when wet touched the crack of her bottom. It was time. I have been putting this off for so long because I love that baby curl she had at the end of her hair and I love little girls with long hair! It, to me, keeps them looking little. I never thought I would ever be the one to cut her hair because I am super afraid of womens hair. My mom keeps asking me to cut her hair and I always tell he that I will never do it because women, typically, care a lot about how their hair looks. My husband and son could care less how their hair looks so I do what I have taught myself to do and it usually turns out fine.

Well I think her hair turned out pretty well for not having a clue on what I was doing! I was a nervous wreck and it took me a little over 30 minutes to get all the way through the cut. She was amazing! She sat still the entire time and never complained at all. I was so happy with her and her ability to do so well! These days it is tough in this house since she has turned into a sass factory and it takes everything I have not to toss her out the window most days. I really thought it was going to be a struggle to get her to just sit let alone be able to take scissors to her head.

She has spent most of the day looking int the mirror and was so proud to show daddy, who had no idea what was going on at home, her marvelous new do!

Halloween

 Halloween in our house is quite the big deal.  It is my all time favorite holiday what with all the dressing up and the scaring others.  However since having kids and since they are still quite small I have found that I am decorating very mildly.  One of the things I would love to eventually do is run and operate a haunted house.  I love to do the scaring but I hate to be scared.  It's odd I know, but that is just the way  it is.

Claire was really into it this year.  She was excited to dress up and be someone else for a day and of course to get a ton of candy and covet it.  She told me what she wanted to be months ago and never changed her mind.  She wanted to be a fairy and that is what she was.  Ben on the other hand didn't care so I let Claire pick out his costume which ended up being a blue dinosaur.  

Claire got to dress up at a school party the Thursday before Halloween.  All the little girls were dressed as princesses with the exception of one who was a pony, and the all the boys were dressed as some character from Toy Story.  Claire, before getting out of the car all dressed up, made sure that I or Ben would not be accompanying her to the party as she wanted to have a good time with her friends and not with us.  Typical.  She is always afraid that we are going to come in, stay, and cramp her style.  This does not bode well for when she is in high school.

This year Halloween was on a Sunday and Travis decided that the congregation should dress up for the service.  What a fantastic idea!  It really spiced the service up and made it fun.  He came down the aisle with his Vader head on and his collar on.  Darth Pastor!  The congregation loved it.   My mom came over for the weekend and was Bobo the western clown and I was a witch.  Claire was so happy to be dressed in her costume and be at church that she was not her typical shy self.  She was bold and spoke to most anyone who talked to her which is unusual.  She really came out of her shell.  Ben on the other hand was his typical happy and outgoing self and charmed the pants off of anyone who noticed him.

Trick or treating was a blast for the kids.  They jammed down dinner and were ready to go in an instant.  Travis had a wonderful time taking them all around the neighborhood and reported back that most people told him that our kids were the cutest and most charming.  Claire was very polite and spoke up and Ben was, well, Ben.  We were also the best house in the neighborhood this year again with the new addition of our bubble fog machine!  We had at least 300 kids and adults come to the door and then lingering to take pictures in the driveway or just play with the smoke filled bubbles.  It made me proud to hear all the wonderful comments and hear that we were the talk of the neighborhood!  Yes I think I will toot my own horn on this one! Toot toot!!  Travis also had a great idea to make the piano in our front room look like it wanted to eat children that came to the door.  It was a huge success with the black lights we had put around and the kids loved it.